a Headspace user

My story began two years ago when, after an online survey and a few doctors appointments, I was diagnosed with depression. For the next year and a half I struggled with the feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness, trying to hide my depression from my family and 'friends' but, I did seek help and still do today. This is my story.

Following a fall out with my father and his wife and my (then about 2 year old) half-brother and a midnight runaway to my mums house, my life was thrown into a downward spiral. First I withdrew from my friends, then from schoolwork, then from my mum and sister, I started self-harming and contemplating suicide. Grade eight became my darkest hour in a sense. My friends didn't seem to understand and I couldn't stand the worry I knew I caused my mum, so I turned to the internet. I posted my story on YouthBeyondBlue.com and got some helpful and compassionate advice, I tried the live-chat and emailing services on Kids Helpline and, the night after I finally attempted suicide, I called Kids Helpline. But, nothing really helped me more than getting professional help. At first I was speaking to a psychologist once a week, then a psychiatrist who put me on a low dosage of anti-depressants. Even today, two years later, I struggle with depressive thoughts and feelings (now that I'm off the medication) but I am currently using the email-counselling service with Kids Help Line and am trying to find help again to help me deal with the returning emotions that are too hard to deal with alone. I remember that when I was feeling most alone and feeling anything but 'fine', I would never think I could ever tell someone else about these feelings. But I know I would always feel just a little bit better after talking to someone. So please, if you can't find even a little bit of hope or worth in your life, remember that it's not your fault that you're feeling that way and that there is always someone who will take the time to listen to you, even if they can't make your situation better, they can always give you a smile or a hug just to make you feel a little bit better. All my love, Savanna.