Mikaela, 15, ACT

Losing my Dad was the hardest thing in life I have ever had to face. I'm Mikaela and this is my story.

It was the beginning of 2010, Mum and Dad were still having their occasional fights, but they started to get worse, Dad and I also used to have our fights and I would say some not so nice things to him. I remember it was the probably in February or March where we really started to not get along as well. I used to say I hated him and wanted nothing to do with him, I also used to say to my Mum that either he left or I would. Dad had threatened to leave and move away where my little sisters and I wouldn't see him.

I remember it being the 27th of April, Dad sat next to me and was reading over my shoulder (I absolutely hated that) I quickly grabbed my laptop and ran up the hallway and Dad and I got into a massive fight. We didn't talk for the rest of the night and for most of the following day, things just weren't the same.

On the 29th I woke and began to get ready as usual for a day at school, I headed towards the front door to see my Dad peacefully sleeping. If only I had of known what steps were going to follow after I had left. Later on in the day I was sitting in Photography at school when I received two messages, they both said exactly the same thing, but were from two different numbers, to me I that was really weird. The messages read "Nan will pick you up after school". I just replied saying okay thats fine. When she came and picked me up from school we went to the shopping centre, both my sister were with us and I asked my Nan if my aunty had had her baby seeing she was already overdue and it turned out she did, she gave birth to a beautiful little boy. I went back to my Nans house and she was running around like mad. Probably about 20 minutes later my Mum showed up with her Dad and Step-Mum, that was extremely weird seeing as my Nan and Step-Nan did not get along at all, but they all acted as if everything was fine. My Mum's phone began to ring and I answered it, it was my Dad's sister and she was crying I was so shocked, but then began to get many thoughts of what could have happened, they phone was taken off me and the conversation was taken outside. Once my mum got back from the shops she sat my sisters and I down and began to say, "Your Dad was in an accident today and he didn't make it". I completely froze and bursted into tears, everything went numb, I couldn't talk, see properly and barely even hear, I was just in so much shock. My step-nan came and sat next to me and started rubbing my back asking if I was okay, but I wasn't responding all I wanted to do was leave and clear my head, thinking that if I did so I would come back and it would all just be a bad dream, I was wrong. Nothing had changed, Mum was still crying and so was everyone else, my little sisters were an absolute mess and I was helpless.

I had the following day and then the next week off school to try and get back to reality. I started back up at school just over a week later, to go back to many rumours about what had apparently happened to my dad, none of them being true. All were made up by a girl who I thought was my friend, but I was wrong. My coordinator put me smack bang into the counsellor's office within just an hour of being back, that was the last thing I wanted to do, but I'm glad she did it really helped me get through the next few weeks as I saw her almost everyday. The teachers too were also very supportive allowing me to leave class if I felt to much stress.

I started up this year in grade 10 things were going good and then Mum and I started fighting because she was being really secretive and I hated it because it had not long been my Dad's 1 year death anniversary. She would barely talk about anything and would continuously go out claiming she was doing one thing, but I would later on find out it was something else, this just made everything even harder on me, where I would just cry every single day to the point where it would lead to a break down and my Mum and I fighting. I started going back to a counsellor and she was helping me through everything and it just took my mind off it all. I still to this day fight with my mum almost daily and things are never going to be the same and I have learnt to accept that, because she now has a new boyfriend and I just can't accept that because it's so hard.

My advice to anyone else who may be in this situation where their dad has past away due to suicide, that there is help and support out there, I got it from all of my friends and many teachers and along with counsellors and they are just all there to help and they care about you much more then you think they do. Don't be too scared to speak out, it's much better for you then keeping everything bottled up.