Taylor, 18, SA

she think's if she steps out of the sun, she'll step out of the light.

Three day's before my 13th birthday i suffered with a quite serious brain aneurysm, i simply passed out and woke up in hospital. It had turned out that i had a developed a severe clot in the right part of my brain causing me to paralyze my whole left side, something that has literally changed my life forever. My nana happened to pass away the same day, which makes me question whether or not in a way, she died to save my life or not.

After painful years of physio & determination i never had a full recovery. I went back to school about a year after it happened and despite already having issues with trust and depression, I was abused by anyone who i got close to. Being called names related to disabled people, often "retard" was just a part of my daily routine in high school. I never confided in anyone and to cope i used self halm. After seeing my parents disappointment i let my friend introduce me to the church she attended, and i finally turned to god.

I remained christian & “straight edge” for a year but after finally deciding that god had nothing to offer for me, and my sinning was only increasing, finally took a step back and turned away from it all. At this time the abuse was only getting worse, but then i met a lovely boy. He took my mind off the abuse i was given and helped me cope a lot, but his life too was at a stand still, and he ended up taking his without realizing how much i cared about him. Not a day doesn't go by that i don't think about him, and how i'll always put others first because of how he impacted me.

Long story short, i got into the wrong crowd. The abuse continued and when i met a new group of people that i felt i connected with, i finally thought that the depression i felt would disappear, but how wrong i was. A boy i was dating at the time convinced me once night to smoke cannabis with him, and this is when it all started to go wrong. The feeling of losing control, is one extremely hard to fight, and even now i wish people could understand that.

I got into drugs. I began to drink and smoke every night, and for weeks at a time i'd run away from home and I did get addicted.

It wasn't easy quitting, i don't think it would have been easy for anyone. I got clean for six months whilst dating a lovely straight edge boy who kept my feet on the ground, but after meeting and falling in love with a boy who took my trust and destroyed it, I easily took a step back and turned back to it all.

I’m only on the road to quitting, and it’s not easy, but after 6 years i know it’s the right thing to do, and definitely something i need. I developed severe depression, anxiety and paranoia due to the way i treated not only my body, but my mind and I regret most of all not seeking help when i needed it at the start.

Giving up is so easily accomplished these days, but when has anything worth while ever been easy? Seeking help isn’t a coward way out, if anything it makes you the strongest person of all. I beg anyone who has depression, an addiction or health issue to get help. you can start a better life, and even though the starting bit is the hardest, it’s definitely reachable, trust me.