It can be difficult to know when to give advice, when to push an
issue, when to back off and when to seek help. Family and friends
play a critical role in supporting young people involved in, or
experiencing bullying. It's important to manage your own feelings
so you can work through the issues together in a constructive
manner.
Four key ways you can help
- Be supportive: be consistent, ask questions and cultivate
trust
- Be involved: show that you are interested in young people's
life, friendships, hobbies
- Establish and maintain good communication: ask open ended
questions and listen
- Be prepared to seek help: establish a support system and
remember that help is available
What is bullying
Bullying is the intentional (often repeated) intimidating
behaviour by an individual or group against another person or
group. Bullying is not simply 'part of growing up'; it is a
destructive issue that can have serious effects on a young person's
physical and mental health. Bullying takes many forms and can occur
in a real (face to face)or virtual (online) environment. Face to
face bullying can be verbal, physical, relational (social), or
indirect (involving a third party).
Cyber bullying involves intimidating/degrading behaviour via
technology such as text messages, email, chat rooms, and social
networking sites such as facebook and tumblr. This enables the
bullying to occur outside of the school yard, 24 hours a day, seven
days a week. Bullying is a complex and dynamic issue and
individuals may at different times (or in different situations) be
the target, the perpetrator or the bystander in relation to
bullying behaviour.
Parenting and bullying: what helps?
Warm and positive family relationships can help buffer young
people from the negative consequences associated with being bullied
(Bowers et al, 2010). Young people who receive high parental
support, report fewer depressive symptoms than those receiving
low parental support, regardless of whether they are the ones
engaged in bullying behaviour or the target (Connors-Burrow et al,
2009).
If you know bullying is occuring
If bullying is occurring or suspected, don't ignore it - the
consequences can be serious - ask your young person how they are,
listen and take their feelings and fears seriously. You can:
- Normalise any feelings of embarrassment, hurt or fear
- Reassure them that bullying is not their fault and that they
are not responsible for what is happening to them
- Make sure they are safe. Sometimes this may require taking
action they are not happy with. Have a conversation if this might
be the case
- Try to give them as many options as possible to find solutions
so they feel more in control. Solving problems, with your support,
can increase self-esteem
- Work on improving the young person's confidence by buildingon
the things they do well
- Help them feel good about other things in their lives
- Reassure them that they are not alone, it shouldn't be the
responsibility of your young person to 'do something' about the
situation by themselves. [Adapted from Parenting SA, 2010]
Finding out if someone is being bullied
Knowing if someone is being bullied can be difficult;
oftenparents and carers do not know, or underestimate its
frequencyand/or severity (Fekkes et al, 2005; Goodman et al, 2010;
Holtet al, 2008). Family and friends are often in a good position
to notice changes in behaviour, mood and general wellbeing as well
as early signs of mental and physical health issues. Not all young
people will ask for help and it may take time for a young person to
speak about their experiences. Always ask your young personhow they
are, especially if you suspect they are being bullied.Try
open-ended questions:
- Have you ever seen kids at school call each other names or
hitting or pushing each other?
- What is lunchtime like at school? What do you do?
- Do you ever feel lonely at school or left out of activities?
What happens and what do you feel?
- Do kids ever tease you? Bully you? Hit you? Pushed you around?
Let's talk about what you do when this happens.
- What can I do to help?
Be mindful that constant and persistent questioning can be
stressful for some young people and may make them less willing to
talk. Encourage them to speak to someone they feel comfortable with
and don't take it personally if they want to speak to someone other
than yourself. [Adapted from Australian Institute of Family
Studies, 2008].
The importance of a young person's support network
Research suggests that social support may help buffer young
people against the negative impacts associated with bullying
(Rothon et al, 2011). Support your young person to make new friends
and maintain existing friendships - encourage them to engage with
others outside of the school they attend (or away from where the
bullying is happening). Identify their strengthsas well as things
they enjoy and find ways to develop these,especially in a social
context.
Other things to consider
Documentation will be useful if the issue needs to be taken
further (ie. with the school, police or support services) so keep a
record of events including; when it occurred, who was involved,
what happened, where did it happen, did anyone else see it happen,
what type of bullying occurred (physical, verbal, cyber bulling?).
Did anyone intervene? Has it happened before?
- Get to know the websites and social networking tools
that young people use and talk to them about how to usethese
safely
- If the bullying is occurring in or around the school,
approachthe school to discuss your concerns or seek advice as how
best to proceed. It may be helpful to discuss the process withyour
young person before you begin
- If you're concerned that your young person may need morehelp
than you can provide, seek professional help